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June 9th, 2009
01:08 pm
Daily routine -
Sleep.
Get up.
Look at thinspo.
Go to gym.
(Work 5 days a week)
Come home.
Watch TV.
Have a bath.
Go to bed.
Nowhere in there is there anything for eating. ^___^ It is a fabulous routine. I enjoy it.
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May 22nd, 2009
07:06 pm
Oh god...oh god oh god oh god...
I ate too much. I ate way too much.
I'm so fat. I'm too fat. I'm freaking out...actual panic attack happening here...and I can't purge. I just can't.
I just want to be skinny. Is that so much to ask?
I need help. I need support.
Here's what I had -
2 cups Cranberry juice
Chicken Breast Burger (bun, grilled chicken breast, tomato, lettuce, relish, mayo, butter)
1 Cup Coke
1 1/2 bowls of chicken noodle soup
4 pc. toast - 2 with jam, 2 with peanut butter
That's over 1000 cals. I haven't had more than 3 in the past WEEK.
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's it! I'm fasting for two weeks!!!!! I'm freaking out!!!
Evening gown...evening gown...evening gown...
I can't believe I did this...why didn't I just do something else other than eat? WHY!?
I NEED TO BE SKINNY!!!!!!!!
I NEED TO LOSE 40LBS AND THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN IF I KEEP DOING THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
PANIC ATTACK.
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January 13th, 2009
05:58 pm - Boredom
Age: 20
Height: 5'9
Weight: 175
BMI: not even going to look...overweight, that's all I know
Dress Size: don't know...
Highest Weight: 180lbs...I'm pretty close to it, actually...I wish my boyfriend would fucking leave so I can just starve myself already and be done with it!
Lowest Weight: 135lbs...I want it so bad....
Goal Weight: 120lbs
Favorite Diet Food: Tea.
Favorite Binge Food: anything with carbs - pasta and bread
Favorite Exercise: running.
Thinspo: real people most of the time...and Lindsay Lohan
Where Do You Slip Up? when I panic because I think people are watching me.
When Did It Start? age 18
Does Anyone Know? I told one friend when he was drunk...so I doubt he remembers
Do You Want Help? if somebody would buy me a fucking personal trainer, I'd take it.
How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day? lately? A little over 1000...starting after boyfriend leaves, 300 per day.
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror? I see fat...everywhere...I know that most of my weight IS muscle because I work out a ton...but I just wish I wasn't so naturally muscular. It would make losing weight feel better.
Are You In A Relationship? sure am. 2 and a half years and still going.
Are You The Fat One Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends? I'm the fat one.
Are You Depressed? It gets interspersed with happy days.
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide? not yet. Thought about it.
Ever Been To A Psychologist? Once in a blue moon I go because my dad makes me. Doesn't usually help.
I AM -
[x] anorexic
[ ] ednos
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry - this confuses me... i don't get hunger pains, the only thing that tells me i need food is when i faint or get dizzy, or cravings which are different.
[x] thirsty
[x] drinking something
[ ] Under 100lbs
[x] starving yourself
[ ] participating in a fast
PEOPLE -
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[ ] call me fat
[ ] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[ ] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[ ] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic
I WISH -
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 100lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia
I LOVE -
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[x] shaking
[x] being weak
[x] losing weight
[x] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[x] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself
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October 27th, 2008
09:51 pm - NEW START!
Alrighty!!! So from this day fourth, I shall be absolutely REGIMENTED in what I eat. They took away my favourite 'food' for over a month so I started eating again...but now it's back and I have to get back in the habit of only having aquafina plus water!!!!!!
Task: BE DILIGENT!!!!!!!!
Goal: BE SKINNY!!!
IT WILL BE WORTH IT!!!!!
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October 15th, 2008
10:52 pm - Learn something new...
So I learned today that me, no food, and mid-terms equals a very bitchy scary me involving panic attacks and such...
Soooooo...
this means that this new diet of lemon, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, water and such will be the perfect diet for me. It gives me the energy I need, but almost no calories...I WON'T BE BITCHY!!! w00t!!!
I can't not eat. I can't lose my boyfriend (I freaked out on him today). I just can't...he's my world. He's the reason I'm doing this. I want to be thin for him so he can have the hottie that everybody stares at again!!!
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September 9th, 2008
04:31 pm - STATS
Alrighty, now for my measured stats...
Measured myself this morning, so these are the most accurate stats I've got.
Chest: 38 in
Upper Arm R: 14in
Upper Arm L: 13.5 in
Waist: 32in
Hips: 40in (ew...)
Upper Thigh R: 24in
Upper Thigh L: 23.5
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September 2nd, 2008
09:57 am - Hmm...
It's getting easier and easier to avoid eating. Usually I don't even think about it.
My family doesn't REALLY care, and my boyfriend can't force food upon me if I don't go over to his house for dinner. So I'm going to really try and avoid that.
Gah...I'm trying to quit my gym and it's pissing me right off. They took 62.99 out of my account when they're only supposed to take 52.99. BASTARDS!!!!!!
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August 23rd, 2008
11:13 am - CURRENT STATS
Height: 5'8
HW: 180lbs
CW: 168lbs (down 2 from two days ago!!)
GW1: 160lbs
GW2: 150lbs
GW3: 140lbs
Eeee!!! I can't wait to reach my goals! =D
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August 22nd, 2008
01:37 pm - DAY 1
F: 2/2 (only ate at the end of the night when my bf made me dinner...a little bit of shrimp, some cod, ginger beef, and some peas. All is good!)
W: 2/2
E: 2/2 (I work as a waitress. 5 hours running.)
P: 2/2
SE: 2/2 (I'm on my special time of the month...so I think I'm doing pretty good to curb the cravings.)
Soooo happy!!!! I only drink aquafina Plus+ for my food. It's pretty awesome.
CW: 170lbs
0/ 1 / 10
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June 3rd, 2008
12:57 pm - I love feeling skinny.
I haven't felt this way in a while...and it's because I didn't eat for two days. It felt amazing and I already saw a difference!!!!
I want to be a personal trainer...but I don't know anymore. I just want to be thin.
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April 21st, 2008
09:23 pm - RESTARTING ON SUNDAY
Alrighty!!!! I Don't know if any of you noticed...but I haven't exactly posted in a month. ^_^;;;
HOWEVER!!!
I plan on restarting my uber-diet because I weighed myself this morning.
I was lighter than I thought I was...but that doesn't exactly make me happy.
So, starting Sunday, I will be going back to not eating and purging when I eat too much, as well as working out stupidly. I want a GORGEOUS body for bikini season.
Any advice, ladies? I'm doing this in four months...twenty pounds, four months, I think it's doable...
~*LEO*~
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March 29th, 2008
10:49 am - Shit...
Just realized another issue....
My mother owns a restaurant.
She sells burgers, milkshakes, ice cream, etc. Almost nothing healthy.
...I'm so screwed...I don't know what to do...maybe I just won't eat as much as I normally do, but that's hard for me! When I get food in front of me, I eat all of it because I feel like it's such a waste...which is why I try NOT to eat. Plus, it's not like I can purge...I've got a singing voice, I need to keep it.
Gah.
I'll try not eating as much and eating very slowly...maybe that'll work.
Any hints?
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March 28th, 2008
03:17 pm - So despressed...
I just checked up on my BMI.
I'm overweight.
My greatest fear has come true...I am overweight.
granted, I'm only overweight by 0.1...BUT STILL!!!
Damnit, I'm going to get through this with GREAT marks!!! I WILL finish the 28 days!!!!! AND I WILL LOSE TEN POUNDS!!!!!! I WILL BE SKINNY!!!
[link=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wdlMIrA/]
[image noborder]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wdlMIrA/weight.png[/image]
[/link]
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankangryb.gif) pissed off
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March 25th, 2008
09:12 pm - YAY!
Okay! Re-starting this yet again!!!
didn't do very well the last time I tried...but now I've got the motivation. We're going to my boyfriend's cabin sometime this summer, and I want to look my best/thinnest.
So I'm going to try reeeeally really hard to fast!!!
I have no willpower though...am very tempted to hide my food card...or throw it away...but I need it for library books. >.<;
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September 7th, 2007
11:32 am
Okay, I can do this.
My plan is under 500 cals a day.
Not sure if I've surpassed that already or not...
Peas+Calorie Wise Ranch Dressing - 100 cals
AlBran Bar - 130 cals
About 5 pieces of Junior Mints - 50 cals
And then I'll be going to have some milk later, so we'll add another 120 cals.
So that's 400 cals right there...
Frick, I can't have much for dinner tonight...oh well.
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August 7th, 2007
07:53 am - I CAN DO IT!
Okay, so I don't know my weight...
But I'm pretty damn sure it's at least 150-155
which is sickening.
I need to lose at least 10 pounds by my party...I'll need to wear a bikini. It's a HUGE party!!!!
So no food for me! Liquids only!!!!!
I'm living with my mom, so I don't think it'll be a big deal...just buy somemeal replacements, and we're good.
so lets see...today is the 7th, and my party is on the 2nd of September.
26 days.
The fact is, after two weeks of not eating is when the most weight is lost...
Pft, life is good!!!! 26 days to eat nothing and I'll be good!!! =D
I'll be able to see my hip bones again!!
I so want to see my hip bones... *whines*
...Aww fuck...I'm going to my boyfriend's cabin with him for a week with all guys...
...
Well, I'll bring along meal replacements! =D
I just want so bad to look good for my party...
~*Leo*~
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August 2nd, 2007
10:37 am
So, I've been having a rough couple of weeks...
But basically, I've gained some weight.
And the fact is, I can lose it easy...where I'm working right now, I can not eat and people will understand. It's in a disgusting kitchen and I get sick after a while of being in there.
So yeah...it'll work.
Hopefully.
If not I just won't eat when school starts. Woo!
~*Moni*~
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June 5th, 2007
02:44 pm
href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wYdfGVJ/">
 </a>
I have to do this...I can't stand having so much flab any longer...
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May 22nd, 2007
10:14 pm
Okay, I NEED to focus!!!
Its because I've lost my focus and lost what I'm striving for. Work is really takiing it's toll on me...I'm not paying attention to what I'm eating. It stresses me out so much that I think "Damn, if I have that small bag of chips, that ice cream sandwich, that one chocolate bar, I'll feel so much better."
I HAVE to stop!!!
I HAVE to focus!!!!
...
I need help. T_T I wonder if anybody has any tips for meh...
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May 15th, 2007
03:46 pm
So I reached my first weight goal.
145 pounds and still losing. It's only my first week in...
I dunno, it makes me sick to think about what I'm doing to myself. I can feel the effects of it everday at work. I get nauseous, dizzy, almost feint...but I'm getting skinny. That's what I want, right?
The fact is, I can't get skinny the natural way. For me, it just doesn't work. And I know that...and if frustrates me to no end!!! I mean, it's not fair. How can beauty be judged soley on how you look?
I know for a fact that my ex, when I was 180lbs, thought I was pretty...but he didn't want to spend time with me.
My current boyfriend always wants to spend time with me now that I'm skinny.
I don't know...it's weird and I'm not thinking straight because I'm hungover.
I reached my first weight goal - shouldn't I be happier?
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leosrule33's journal![http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wdlMIrA/weight.png[/image]](http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wdlMIrA/weight.png[/image]){kind=link}